Missed Connections
Some people may have heard me say this, but I find Craigslist "Missed Connections" to be incredibly hilarious. They are just so random, and usually so pathetic, that they provide endless amusement for me.
Most of them follow the same hackneyed formulas. Here's a couple examples:
Man sees hot woman. Has nothing intelligent to say. Thinks that posting a shot-in-the-dark message on Craigslist will somehow jumpstart the relationship.
Friday, Uptown 6 train, noon.... - m4w
You: Most likely the worlds most beautiful asian woman : )
Long hair,Tan shirt I think, gold bag, pink toe nails....
Me: Blue shirt, 5'8", caucasian, Bag full of art supplies,
prone to staring...
Us: We exchanged a few glances, wish I had the nerve to say something.
Wanna get together for coffee...?
(So you're a short, creepy white guy who stares at Asians on the train. Yet despite the fact that you judged her to be the world's most beautiful Asian woman, you don't even know what color her shirt was. Yeah, I'm sure you're just her type.)
Redhead Downtown 6 from 51st to Astor
We both got on the downtown 6 at 51st between 4:30 and 5:00...got off at 14th because our train was going to skip a few stops...you have red hair and were reading a book with Biker in the title if I am correct - I tried to catch the title but found myself distracted by your eyes...hope you read this because whether you respond or not I'd like you to know I think you are gorgeous...
("Distracted by your eyes..." Did you get that line out of Rod Stewart song or what?)
Even better, the man imagines some kind of connection with the woman he sees, and believes that pointing out this connection will make her swoon into his arms
to the HOT blonde in a white BMW Z3 on route 23 south this AM - m4w you know i was watching you and drooling over your beauty and the fact that you were driving a stick shift. i was in a wolswagen, and we were driving along 23 south. i got off onto 287, and you continued straight. If you are reading this, PLEASE write back. I dont expect anything,,,,,,,,,,but,,, just write.
(You don't expect anything my ass! You wouldn't be posting that if you expected nothing.)
Freakonomics on 2nd Ave - m4w
You were the amazingly appractive brunette in a rather short skirt reading Freakonomics while waiting for the bus on 2nd Ave between 56th and 57th...I went directly to Borders to pick up a copy so I might have something to initiate the conversation next time I see you...
(Yeah dude. She's going to be really impressed when she finds out that you read the book in an attempt to get in her pants.)
Then, there are the men who actually talk to the woman, but nothing comes of it. Regardless, they believe something should have come of it, so they post a random message on Craigslist begging for another chance.
my landlord showed you my apartment the other day
you were alone. my landlord showed you my apartment. it was a three bedroom on the 1st floor. my other roomate was sleeping and i was telling my landlord about how he had to call before showing the apartment.
anyways. you had glasses. i thought you were cute. we should hang out sometime
(Folks, I'm telling you, this is the stuff love is made of. Telling your landlord not to bring people around without calling first. It makes me heart flutter just to think about it.)
Smoking outside the Delancey - m4w
You were at the Delancey last nite (Thursday) seeing a band. With a friend I think. YouÂre a nurse..we talked about smoking and Hasidim. Wished we could talk more.
(Sorry, I think the nurse is probably attending to other patients right now, or she would have talked more to you at the time.)
Every now and then, however, someone breaks the mold. Take this guy, for instance:
Corporate Challenge 6/22 - MC w/t-shirt size & Altria girl
OK so I thought I was on the line for L but I ended up getting an XL. If there is anyone out there who has an *unworn* mens L (who needs an XL), feel free to get in touch and we'll trade. Otherwise I suppose I'll take up swimming... in the shirt.
(damn that pre-shrunk technology)
Oh... looking that girl from Altria I kept seeing/passing... running side by side with your friend, brunette w/ponytail, usually on the left. Would love for you to get in touch if you read these things...
(This is very ambiguous. Does this post really have anything to do with the shirt, or is it all a more subtle way to try to get the Altria girl's attention? I mean, does this dude really care about the too-large shirt? All those Corporate Challenge shirts are is a badge to say "I work way too hard at some supposedly important job, but I'm really a cool person because once a year, I indulge my meathead tendencies by competing with other completely stressed-out, workaholic, white pasty office kids." That's not to say there's anything wrong with the Corporate Challenge -- it just is what it is.
I think the whole reason he mentioned the shirt was to a.) not look completely pathetic posting the MC with the Altria girl (throwing it on the end as if it's a casual aside) and b.) show how cute and funny he is with the whole "I suppose I'll take up swimming... in the shirt" line. Which admittedly is a good line.)
I hope things work out for Corporate Challenge boy. I'm sure he could use some sort of a positive diversion in his life. And what better diversion than getting with some woman who probably has the responsibility of suppressing data about the dangers of smoking? She could get him freecigarettess and everything. fn1.
1. Altria is the tobacco giant formerly known as Philip Morris, which also owns Kraft Foods. (So I suppose she might be in charge of picking out Italian words and phrases to put on the back of the Romano cheese container, in the "Learn to Speak Italian!" box.)
Most of them follow the same hackneyed formulas. Here's a couple examples:
Man sees hot woman. Has nothing intelligent to say. Thinks that posting a shot-in-the-dark message on Craigslist will somehow jumpstart the relationship.
Friday, Uptown 6 train, noon.... - m4w
You: Most likely the worlds most beautiful asian woman : )
Long hair,Tan shirt I think, gold bag, pink toe nails....
Me: Blue shirt, 5'8", caucasian, Bag full of art supplies,
prone to staring...
Us: We exchanged a few glances, wish I had the nerve to say something.
Wanna get together for coffee...?
(So you're a short, creepy white guy who stares at Asians on the train. Yet despite the fact that you judged her to be the world's most beautiful Asian woman, you don't even know what color her shirt was. Yeah, I'm sure you're just her type.)
Redhead Downtown 6 from 51st to Astor
We both got on the downtown 6 at 51st between 4:30 and 5:00...got off at 14th because our train was going to skip a few stops...you have red hair and were reading a book with Biker in the title if I am correct - I tried to catch the title but found myself distracted by your eyes...hope you read this because whether you respond or not I'd like you to know I think you are gorgeous...
("Distracted by your eyes..." Did you get that line out of Rod Stewart song or what?)
Even better, the man imagines some kind of connection with the woman he sees, and believes that pointing out this connection will make her swoon into his arms
to the HOT blonde in a white BMW Z3 on route 23 south this AM - m4w you know i was watching you and drooling over your beauty and the fact that you were driving a stick shift. i was in a wolswagen, and we were driving along 23 south. i got off onto 287, and you continued straight. If you are reading this, PLEASE write back. I dont expect anything,,,,,,,,,,but,,, just write.
(You don't expect anything my ass! You wouldn't be posting that if you expected nothing.)
Freakonomics on 2nd Ave - m4w
You were the amazingly appractive brunette in a rather short skirt reading Freakonomics while waiting for the bus on 2nd Ave between 56th and 57th...I went directly to Borders to pick up a copy so I might have something to initiate the conversation next time I see you...
(Yeah dude. She's going to be really impressed when she finds out that you read the book in an attempt to get in her pants.)
Then, there are the men who actually talk to the woman, but nothing comes of it. Regardless, they believe something should have come of it, so they post a random message on Craigslist begging for another chance.
my landlord showed you my apartment the other day
you were alone. my landlord showed you my apartment. it was a three bedroom on the 1st floor. my other roomate was sleeping and i was telling my landlord about how he had to call before showing the apartment.
anyways. you had glasses. i thought you were cute. we should hang out sometime
(Folks, I'm telling you, this is the stuff love is made of. Telling your landlord not to bring people around without calling first. It makes me heart flutter just to think about it.)
Smoking outside the Delancey - m4w
You were at the Delancey last nite (Thursday) seeing a band. With a friend I think. YouÂre a nurse..we talked about smoking and Hasidim. Wished we could talk more.
(Sorry, I think the nurse is probably attending to other patients right now, or she would have talked more to you at the time.)
Every now and then, however, someone breaks the mold. Take this guy, for instance:
Corporate Challenge 6/22 - MC w/t-shirt size & Altria girl
OK so I thought I was on the line for L but I ended up getting an XL. If there is anyone out there who has an *unworn* mens L (who needs an XL), feel free to get in touch and we'll trade. Otherwise I suppose I'll take up swimming... in the shirt.
(damn that pre-shrunk technology)
Oh... looking that girl from Altria I kept seeing/passing... running side by side with your friend, brunette w/ponytail, usually on the left. Would love for you to get in touch if you read these things...
(This is very ambiguous. Does this post really have anything to do with the shirt, or is it all a more subtle way to try to get the Altria girl's attention? I mean, does this dude really care about the too-large shirt? All those Corporate Challenge shirts are is a badge to say "I work way too hard at some supposedly important job, but I'm really a cool person because once a year, I indulge my meathead tendencies by competing with other completely stressed-out, workaholic, white pasty office kids." That's not to say there's anything wrong with the Corporate Challenge -- it just is what it is.
I think the whole reason he mentioned the shirt was to a.) not look completely pathetic posting the MC with the Altria girl (throwing it on the end as if it's a casual aside) and b.) show how cute and funny he is with the whole "I suppose I'll take up swimming... in the shirt" line. Which admittedly is a good line.)
I hope things work out for Corporate Challenge boy. I'm sure he could use some sort of a positive diversion in his life. And what better diversion than getting with some woman who probably has the responsibility of suppressing data about the dangers of smoking? She could get him freecigarettess and everything. fn1.
1. Altria is the tobacco giant formerly known as Philip Morris, which also owns Kraft Foods. (So I suppose she might be in charge of picking out Italian words and phrases to put on the back of the Romano cheese container, in the "Learn to Speak Italian!" box.)
posted by N at 2:52 PM
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